David Siegel: Master of all trades and jack of none. Entered the federal witness protection program in 1999. Now goes by the name of Crash Landing. Easily recognized when wearing two pairs of sunglasses. Has been known to eat and share extreme chocolate. Has been seen rollerblading in Central Park, drinking smooth wine, and looking at watch porn on the Internet (photos of wristwatches, silly). Is considered extremely dangerous to himself and harmless to others. If you see this person, please drop him off at the nearest house of ill repute. Has been to 91 countries. No border is safe (no bordello is safer). You are invited to join him on his travels ...